As a mother of eight, raising my family is what I eat, sleep, breathe, & repeat. As a herbalist, growing and harvesting herbs is all part of practicing the craft. As a doula, birth is my passion and mothering the mother is how I roll. Herbal workshops are all about creating and crafting, empowering and connecting to inner wisdom, each other and our ancestors.
Most of the time I am so grateful and honored to claim that this is really part of what I "do" and yet, there is a whole production going on behind the scenes to create this seamless image.
From running a home and nurturing relationships, from the every day mundane to everyday drama. Navigating teens who are convinced that I just don't get it, they really do know more than me and why would I waste my time worrying.." Ive got this Ima" they say. Sometimes I am left wondering what it is exactly that "they've got". It doesn't seem to be the memo about towels needing to be put in a laundry basket or food that is not supposed to be in the bedrooms, or that the car is actually mine and yes, it can be in the driveway sometimes and its still mine. But, this is all part of the everyday and this too shall pass and I know that in some strange way I will miss it when it passes.
Homeschooling my son with Down syndrome is more parenting than school, unschooling at its best and he is content, creative and curious, all the things I hoped and prayed for. But still it stalks me, "Am I doing enough?" usually accompanied by a few more "shoulds and coulds".
All of this is part of how a parent's clock ticks, including all that goes into nourishing healthy bodies and nurturing healthy minds. "I've got this one", -"I think I do".
Wake me up at any hour of the night with growing pains? "No worries,I've got this one", in a dreamlike trance I mouth the words" magnesium oil spray ", close my eyes and drift back to peaceful sleep knowing they are taken care of.
The sound of my phone at any hour of the night? "No worries, I've got this one". Labor loves the stillness of night and as I step outside, sleep couldn't be further from my thoughts. The muted sounds and moonlight, houses in darkness, the universe is gently creating space for a new soul to be birthed earthside and a family is growing.
But the business of growing a business......these are different growing pains. Time needs to be carved into a space where there isn't. Time that is spent doing and being and creating in a sphere that requires a whole new set of skills. A place where labels need to be designed and centered and there are fonts and logos and shapes and color schemes, and mistakes and try again and a whole new language and budget too.
And social media, yes, I know, I need to post and follow and comment and # hashtag and tag and friend and share and, and - breathe. Blog, write, website, store, post products, check email, repeat. Buy, sell, ship, calculate the numbers, repeat.
And yet, the wheels turn and my kids, the same kids who resisted sleep and thought the drive through milk bar was open all night, but then cooed and with their sweet, open eyes kept me breathing in their scent and marveling at their being. Yes, they now navigate this new sphere of technology with the ease of spilled liquid gliding on a clean tile floor. They now grace me with a website and click here and click there and continue to resist sleep and I wake up to a freshly made flyer and I once again marvel at their being.
And then I think "I've got this!". Google docs becomes my friend and I think I can do social media, without being pulled into the vortex of distorted time where the illusion of 5 minutes, can be 20 minutes in a virtual reality.
Breathe, I am birthing my business and as I go through transition, the challenge guides me inward where my intuition reminds me that it's all good. Growth is good.